Spring break is here, technically it's been here for a minute. I'm back visiting my old friends from undergrad, and I'm staying with 2 of them for this week.

I'm currently on campus right now, sitting in that one building with the really long hallway. I tried going back into the music building, but I saw 7 people I recognized in the span of 5 minutes and it genuinely gave me so much panic I couldn't do it. I'm going to the one class everyone in my previous major is required to go to as some sort of guest appearance, where I will make my prescence known. Then maybe I won't be so nervous.

It's weird being back in this town, back on this campus even. I honestly don't know how to feel about it, which gives this sort of uncanny vibe to my current emotions. On one hand, it's nice to be back in a familiar environment again. On the other, I don't have the most fondest memories of this campus. The town I do moreso, especially because I used to only go out into town once any over week on average. But still.

The reason I chose to come here for my spring break despite all of this is because, while I don't have great memories of this area, I have wonderful memories of its people. I'm specifically referring to my friends who are still here. Those who have graduated I have no real desire to connect again. But those who are still working on/finishing their degrees have treated me so well, and have shown me the importance of good friendships. I desparately need to be in that environment again.

I'm so far glad I've made that choice. My friends are all in school at the moment, so I can get some opportunities to chill, work on schoolwork, and other things. And even when my friends come back to the apartment and say, "Hey I need to do homework now", or "I need to go to bed because of my early morning shift", we all just co-vibe, doing our own thing without the potential awkwardness of there not always being something to do together. It's just nice.

The thing is that at this moment in time, I don't have a lot of stability in my life. School is stressful and giving me a hard time, my friends at grad school unfortunately kind of suck, family life is not great, and I've realized that home back in the mountains is not all that restorative anymore. It's all just stress-inducing and frankly quite sad.

Really the only 2 things that feel stable and give me some sort of peace and happiness right now are my undergrad friends and the relationship I have with this girl (one of my friends called her my "special friend". It sounds much more preverted than it needs to, but I'll just call her that for now unless we agree on a different title). I need to hold onto those things as best as I can.

I saw one of my other friends and we had lunch yesterday. Like I said earlier, I'm going to that one class, where I'll see the remainder of the people I've wanted to see again (including my private instructor, which will be really nice). I've got plans to hang out with some of the other friends this weekend. Having positive things coming up in a short period of time is the mental and emotional reset I so desperately needed.